she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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