Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
