Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
