This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
