I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
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Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
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you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.