there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.