The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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