It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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