What did we do last night that was yellow?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Tornado booty call.. dedication
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The power of my boobs compel you
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
