when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
