I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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