are you still at the devil's house?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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