lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
