Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
