He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
