They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
wow bdsm is so cute
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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