There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I need to calm my uterus...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
