Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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