What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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