watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
