I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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