I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
