is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
