the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My pussy is not your playground.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize