oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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