i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
