I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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