I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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