he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
