oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Randomize
