he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sext me about skeletons
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
