I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
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im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
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After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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