He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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