he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
