it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
