At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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