Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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