There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
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I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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