Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i think im in europe. pls send help
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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