i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
