The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
