I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I have post one night stand depression
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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