U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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