we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Drunk is not a location!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
