Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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