She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
