U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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