Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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