Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
