Those balls look pretty dangerous.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
