does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
