Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
