I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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