what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
