He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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