i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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