I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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