so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
