Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
