I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
