She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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