I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
