Pregnant stripper...not hot.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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