Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
